


motel room

by Nessie Collins (FlowerPrincess24)



Category: Halsey (Musician), Room 93 - Halsey (Album)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Toxic Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:20:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26721310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlowerPrincess24/pseuds/Nessie%20Collins
Relationships: Original Female Character/Original Male Character
Kudos: 1





	1. is there somewhere

_**"Hey is there somewhere you can meet me?"** _

She kept staring at the text he had send almost an hour ago, laying on the bed in the motel room that had become more of an accomplice in this sordid situation she found herself in...

Maybe found wasn't the exact word, she was an active participate - every time he came to her she would gladly make herself available, from canceling plans she had with others to straight up abandoning every sense of logic just to be with him for a couple of hours before they both returned to their lives.

Staring out at the city lights through the window as she waited for him her mind kept wondering... If around the vast and somewhat cruel world was there someone that found themselves in the same situation as her; did they do the same as her? did they put a stop to everything? how did they felt about it? did they felt guilt or choose to ignore it?

Did they tell themselves that the one they were with loved them and only them?... That there wasn't somebody else?

Because that was all she was in reality... Just someone to warm the bed while the one that actually deserved his love and attention was left with a cold and empty side beside her...

Did she lie to herself? Her heart telling her she was the only one for him while her mind screamed that there was someone else that had captured his time and attention?

She stopped herself before her thoughts got the better of her.

It wasn't healthy to think about the other girl while her boyfriend waited for a text from someone that, by all means, was better not existing in their perfect bubble of a relationship...

But she knew what she was doing, as she wrote a response to him, she allowed herself to be put in such a place because all she wanted was the love and care that he had no problem showing when they were together, hiding inside a motel room as if their love was as forbidden as that of Romeo and Juliet.

He must love her, right?

Why else would he choose to keep seeing her? Why choose her to begin with? It's because it was love right? He loved her, even he would never admit it and would keep his girlfriend by his side...

...but he loves her... just as much as she loves him...

**_"same place as usual"_ **


	2. ghost

She loved him... and he loved her...

...or at least that was what she thought...

He changed so much over the course of so little time...

The love he once shared with her was all but gone, leaving in its place an empty shell of a person.

He still came for her, he still did the same things to her... but something was amiss

It didn't felt the same... He didn't feel the same...

She had heard the news, his girlfriend had left - most likely tired of pretending that the relationship was still intact...

When she heard the news a part of her, the major part of her heart, was ecstatic. Finally, they were free to be together and not having to hide their love from the world... that's what she thought at least...

They still met in the same motel room; they still got lost in each other's warm embrace and forgot the world around them; she was still the one he let inside when his day got too rough and his refuge of white powder wasn't enough to numb the pain...

Everything was the exact same between them... So why didn't feel like it?

Was she the problem? Was the fact that his now ex was no longer in the picture the problem?

For once, since everything started, there was nothing to get in their way - they were finally able to be together...

Or maybe... she was lying to herself...

Pretty much nothing had changed in their relationship and yet, it wasn't what it once was.

She was sure she hadn't changed - her feelings for him were the same as they had in the beginning and there were no regrets on her part, as messed up as it might sound.

He acted differently - in the beginning, there was love and burning passion hidden underneath of all the lies and sneaking around. But now... it felt as if the flame was slowly extinguishing, leaving in its place a burned-out candle as the smoke-filled air surrounded them.

Whenever his touch traced her skin; either being his fingers trailed up and down her arm when he was in a higher headspace and wanted to make sure she was real and not a hallucination of a drug-filled trip, or his kisses as they grazed every inch of her skin as the bed rocked with the making of lovers, legs entangled and hands entwined, sheets rustling softly as the walls echoed with cries and groans...

...His touches never failed to send a shiver down her spine, almost as if being touched by a ghost...

He hadn't changed. She hadn't changed.

They were still the same people when their relationship started - she was still the same girl that was there for him in that motel room whenever he needed; he was still the same guy that needed drugs, alcohol, and girls on the side to feel complete.

They hadn't changed-She hadn't changed, she just took off her colored lenses and started to see him for what he truly was...

...And if he could do it, why couldn't she?


	3. hurricane

If he could do it, why couldn't she?

Her heart felt heavy whenever she picked up someone to have for the night, but why would she care? He didn't and neither did everyone else...

At times she felt guilty for what she was doing but the feeling never lasted longer than a few minutes due to her immediately getting rid of them with a bottle of Jack, and at times, a few special pills gifted to her.

She does it exactly like he like does - hopping between random faceless people that mean nothing...

But that what it's all about right? Using someone to forget about the pain that's gripping tightly to the veins.

Every night she goes out to a random club, sometimes with some friends other times alone - it all depends on what she's feeling - drinking herself numb and stumbling on the wat to the dancefloor.

Losing herself on the alcohol in her system and the touches of strangers.

Feelings their lips on her neck as their hands settle on her hips, swaying them in a way that made their intentions clear - but she didn't care anymore, if he could do it so could she...

Men, Women, whatever - all she wanted was to forget the hurt inside.

They took her back to their place, their bodies lost in a mess of sheets as the walls echoed each moan and groan back at them and while she always reached euphoria, at the end of it all, she was still left with a hole in her chest.

As the other person slept peacefully she was quick to make her escape and return to what was her supposedly safe haven - the room back at the motel.

There were points during the night, as she laid the bed she grew so accustomed to, where she wondered if he knew what she was doing... if he cared about what she was doing...

He almost found out what she spent her alone nights doing...

She arrived at the motel, the clock stating it was past four am, she found him sitting on the ground, back leaning against the door.

As she got closer he lifted his eyes from the ground and turned to her but he said nothing. There was no need, his eyes told her everything she needed to know - they showed anger, sadness, disappointment, disbelieve, all of it with a mixture of substance, either be booze or drugs or both, she couldn't tell... and she wasn't sure she cared.

Once both of them were inside and the door was closed, it was when everything went up in flames.

He started yelling at her, accusing her of betraying him, calling her every name in the book, throwing everything in hand's reach at the wall due to her lack of a reaction and unwillingness to defend herself.

It got so bad that at one point he punched the wall she was leaning on, fist barely grazing her cheek...

Neither of them moved, both shockingly staring at one another at his actions... a few millimeters and he would've hit her. Chests rising and falling, trying to catch their breath as he pulled his hand back from the wall.

She gripped the hand and brought close to her and kissed his knuckles several times - the idea that her lips were touching something that almost injured her didn't even cross her mind, she just wanted to make sure that he was alright, she just wanted to help heal some of his hurt...

What followed was a mess of lips molding into each other, his hands pressing her hard against him - almost afraid she'd disappear if he did.

Dropping her onto the bed and leaving his mark on every inch of her skin, limbs tangled together pulling the other impossibly closer and closer.

It ended with one of his legs between hers, thigh pressing against her center, her head laying on his chest, and finger drawing patterns on his skin. One arm wrapped around her shoulder, thumb rubbing circles as he whispered sweet things and apologizes, stopping to kiss the top of her after each one.

Looking around the room, it almost seemed like a hurricane had passed - broken shards of glass bottles and flipped furniture...

The room looked like the perfect metaphor for their relationship in her eyes - a mess filled with broken things that needed a lot of fixing...

But in this moment, none of that mattered. Right now, they just wanted to be in each other's arms and forget their problems and the rest of the world existed.


	4. empty gold

They haven't talked about their problems... and she didn't mind...

Over the past couple of days, they've stayed away from the world, behind the closed door of that motel room - nothing but a haze of sex, drugs, and alcohol with them.

After the horrible discussion that almost left her with a black eye and ended with them tangled between the sheets, a silent agreement was made between them - never let their problems escalate to that point ever again... even if they had to lie.

And in all honesty, they liked it like that. They were happy like that.

The only time they left the comfiness of the room, and when they didn't have to socialize when someone else, was when they went out to do some shopping - either being food or booze or whatever.

When it came to talking with his dealers, she would always stay a little to the side while he did everything - she didn't mind it, knowing that he didn't like when she talked to any of his friends.

The other time they left the room was to use the pool that existed in the motel, either going in the water or just laying in the sun, it didn't matter as long as they were together.

They were happy like this...

The only time they seemed to have a problem during their peaceful moments was one day when her friends showed up while she was sunbathing.

They had come to check on her and do some general catching up about some stuff going on in their lives. Everything was going okay until they mentioned him...

He wasn't a big fan of her friends, blaming them for the way she acted during their rough patch, always staying on the sidelines whenever they were around, always warning her that they didn't really care about her.

Her friends weren't kind to him either - every word out of their mouths was all about how he was keeping her to himself; that their relationship wasn't normal; that they were too attached and dependent on one another...

What did they even knew about their relationship? They weren't the ones involved in it. They didn't know him or how he felt. They didn't know how she felt - And they didn't care either, they just wanted to be the voices of reason without any evidence.

She got up and left them, not wanting to hear another word about something they clearly didn't understand - she was better off without them.

Going back to their room she found him lying in bed, his back against the headboard with a blunt between his lips.

She laid next to him, her arms wrapped around his waist and her head against his chest, cuddling as close as possible as music coming from his phone filled the silence between them.

He softly stroke her hair, the blunt now between his fingers - silently asking if she wanted to ride the same high as him - which she gladly took as flashes of their relationship and her friends' words kept clashing in her mind... anything to quiet the voices in her mind.

They didn't need anyone else as long as they had each other... and that was enough.


	5. trouble (stripped)

Their love was like dynamite - it could light up the darkness around you, but once the fuse reaches its end, it explodes, and depending on your position, it might kill you...

As the days went by so did her need to leave the motel room behind...

They had truly and successfully insolated themselves from the rest of the world - her friends' visits that were already few and scarce had diminished even more, they didn't talk or saw each other - in all honesty, she still wasn't sure that that was a bad thing to this day.

He started to go by himself to the places they used to go together, she didn't feel like leaving the room and they could only yell at each other for so long before he gave up and simply went.

Later clamming that it was easier and faster since she wasn't there to fuck up everything for him, shortly before filling both of their heads with dope and saying that he wished she had been there - if it happened on a good day...

On bad days, the room usually ended filled with broken bottle shards, normally thrown as close to her as possible, and by morning her body would be filled with bruises from how he had gripped her too tightly, especially on her hips when he wanted to be inside of her - it didn't matter if she wanted to or not, he didn't care and she wouldn't fight him...

She didn't care - too numb and high to believe his damaged words and actions disguised as sweet lies.

He didn't know that she knew about his escapades whenever he thought she was asleep - after she fell into bed and closed her eyes it wouldn't take long for him to get up and leave, disappearing until the early hours of the next morning where then he would slide into bed and cuddle with her as if that's how he'd been the entire night.

She kept to herself that she could still smell the lingering stench of sex and alcohol on his skin...

Was this what his ex went through when she was his comfort for nights on end? Hearing him leave, knowing what he was doing all through the night and then pretending that it never happen?

Even though it never stopped her, all the way in the beginning, she had felt sorry for the poor girl... And now... she couldn't help but feel the same for the new girl - all of them were just pawns in his game.

A sick and twisted cycle that kept on repeating... and would continue even after he discarded them...

Because that was the way he was... and he wasn't going to change and she firmly believed that he couldn't...

... But she could... and she would...

One day, while he was out doing God knows what, she packed what few stuff she had and left without once turning back - in that motel room where they had shared so much was a message telling him that she was leaving and to not contact her - blocking his number for good measure.

Step by step, as she walked away from the motel the air that filled her lungs had never felt more cleaner and fresher.

She didn't know what she was doing or where she was going but for now... she would take one step at a time.


End file.
